Fireside Chat Ministries

Hey, blog family,

Wow, so much has happened in the months that I’ve been away. Where to start?

Firstly, thank you for returning to this blog site and for believing in me enough to let these words speak to you. It’s an honor that I don’t take lightly. My goal is always to bring you closer to Christ and to encourage your soul.

Speaking of encouragement! I’m so thankful for my faith community that has surrounded me in these last few months (seven, to be honest) and prayed for me while I’ve been recovering. Here’s the scoop.

In October 2024, I was enjoying a girls’ weekend in Amish country, celebrating my bestie’s 40th birthday. We had an amazing time, visiting the animals, eating all the food, and catching up on life over evening bonfires. It was a great weekend with warm memories made.

But, I didn’t sleep well at the cabin, and I definitely didn’t drink enough water in the hot, late-summer sun as we walked and walked for acres at the Amish farm. I felt very, very exhausted, deep down in my bones. Even though my heart was full, my body was running on empty.

As we packed up and left the house on Sunday, the ladies decided to brunch on our way out before we drove our separate ways. I didn’t feel well at all, and on the drive to the pancake house, I started to feel really “off.” I was super emotional, and it felt like a panic attack coming on. By the time we got to the restaurant and settled into outdoor seats to wait for a table, something was definitely wrong.

As I was chatting with my friends, suddenly, I couldn’t see. Blinding pain seared into my eyes, and it was all I could do to squint to keep my eyes open. I told my dear friends that I was having some kind of medical emergency. By the time they drove me to the hospital, I couldn’t walk! My legs were numb and I couldn’t catch my balance. My friend called my husband and told him to meet us at the local hospital.

I was admitted right away with “stroke-like symptoms.” What a scary word! The good news is, with those kinds of symptoms presenting, I got rushed right in for tests, scans, and the like. The doctors were quick to determine that there was no brain bleed, so that was a huge relief. No stroke. Whew.

So, then….what had happened??

The diagnosis at the time was “complex ocular migraine.” That explained why I couldn’t see. But what about my legs?? If I’m honest, my feet and toes had been progressively getting number for the past several months. I had just written off the symptoms, as I normally do. I was “just tired” (read: my bones hurt). I “just” had some swelling in my legs (read: I couldn’t feel much from my ankles down). I’d “just” had some eyestrain headaches (read: I was suffering from actual migraines and it was impacting my sight). How ridiculous, in retrospect! Who ignores so many physical symptoms, and just keeps going until they collapse??

Most people do.

We’re so conditioned to keep going. Keep smiling. Keep faking it “until we make it.” The problem with that is that the body keeps the score.

Our bodies remember everything. The early traumas. The later traumas. The injuries. The “I’m fine” brushoffs. But we cannot lie to our bodies. They were created in the image of God. For God. And any time we align with anything that is not of His Kingdom, our little body takes all the blows. Until it’s too tired and finally collapses under the weight we weren’t meant to carry.

So, my body sat me down in October 2024, and I’ve been picking up the pieces ever since. It turns out that I have lupus. And Sjorgen’s. And Hashimoto’s. And chronic fatigue. That’s four autoimmune diagnoses, to be exact. Just one is enough to leave a person chasing endless symptoms. And boy, have I. I’ve been through physical therapies, nerve tests, autoimmune protocols, more doctor visits than I can count, medication changes, insomnia treatments, psych visits, outpatient treatments, and on and on. I was even hospitalized (again) for low kidney function; that was because my electrolytes were so out of whack from a bad IBS flare. Oy.

Since then, there have been good days and bad days. It often feels like one step forward and thirty-seven steps back. I had to learn to walk/find my balance again through physical therapy. I’ve had allergic reactions to some of the medications. I’ve downright questioned my sanity more than once. Okay, a lot. And my faith to get through it all.

But you know what? So much good has come from my body sitting me down. I have truly learned what it means to sit at the Lord’s feet. That’s it. That’s all I have. He’s all I have. And He’s all I need. He’s all anyone needs.

I probably could have prevented this seven-month health setback, had I listened to the early warning signs. But I didn’t. And it looks soooo noble to “keep going” through the pain. “Keep pushing” because “everyone needs you.” Well, you know what? I have had to learn that I cannot be anyone’s savior. I cannot even be my own savior. I need a sovereign, holy Savior to be saved, set free, healed and/or delivered. This health journey, difficult as it has been, has also been such a blessing. I get to be a human being again, and not a human doing. I had the honor of letting the Lord rebuild me, on His foundation. Sometimes it feels like I’m about a one-month-old infant. But the truth is, that is who inherits the Kingdom. The little children. The ones who come to Him in a complete trust fall, day after day. No more masks; no pretenses. He says, just come. And stay.

And so that’s where you’ll find me these days. At His feet. On the couch, with my Bible. And that’s about it. I hope to see you there, too.

Love,

Amanda ❤

P.S. My first book will be in publication soon. I hope you’ll stop back for the announcement to come! Until then, be encouraged. We’re all in this together.

“I get to be a human being again, and not a human doing.”